Forilla

I wonder when she’ll look down and see where her feet are.

I notice the girl sitting in front of me turn back to glance at her friend as if she was sitting in a movie. I’ve seen this before, that look on a person searching for some sort of recognition from their friend like they are observing the life before their eyes from a distance and need to reassure themself with another person’s reaction. I think back a few days to when I watched some Indie film with my dad. The film was very extreme in many ways and quite graphic and some of the director’s choices were questionable. I thought I liked it and appreciated it but because of all the factors that could either add to or detract from the quality of the film I looked to my dad for his thoughts. But he was smart; he made it impossible for me to tell whether or not he liked it, leaving me to decide on my own.

When I saw this girl look to her friend for a similar reaction on her own life, I wanted to say something. I almost wanted to tell her to stop being an idiot and live her own fucking life. Appreciate that her life is her own and take full advantage of the one thing that belongs entirely to her alone. But I didn’t say anything. Partly because that would be considered rude or mean but more so because I figured she as well as everyone else will realize this on their own at some point in life. At one point or another, every person will have a moment of being alone. I don’t just mean alone in their room, but alone within themselves. Though I value human connections above most things, until we understand at the very heart of our existence we are single, unattached entities, we are not free.

Freedom is in being able to think on our own. Blend that with relations and we become human beings. One without the other leaves us with a void on one side; we are left unbalanced and the steps we take either tilt and collide full on with the steps of others, intertwining our lives with those of others and losing our own step, or our steps tilt away from others’ entirely and we end up lost on a stretch of empty land with a broken compass as our only possession.

I still see the image of this girl lingering in my mind with her feet tangled and I wonder.